Posts filed under 'Parenting'
Potty training the 3 year old
I’ve been working on potty training my 3 year old, who at 2 and a half showed interest in going to the potty.
So we bought the potty and one day he said he wanted to go. It was as easy as that. He would sit on the potty and go whenever he said he needed to.
All of a sudden, 6 months later, he has stopped. He just stopped. He’ll sit on the potty and nothing happens. I’m stumped. And I don’t want to get mad at him because I know it’s not worth it. I don’t want to make matters worse either.
Has this happened to anyone else? He’s a boy, so training boys can be harder anyways (my first son was not fully potty trained until he was nearly 5!).
I know Mason knows HOW to do it, but he’s completely stopped showing interest. Instead, he’ll sit on his potty, after 10-15 minutes of waiting, nothing happens. I explain to him he gets no treat for not going potty.
I put on his pull up, and then he goes potty in this pull up. Sigh.
I remember when I was trying to potty train Sol. He was 4 1/2 and his dad and I were starting to stress out about him being potty trained since he would start kindergarten soon. He learned number 1 and number 2 within a week. He was finally in boy briefs a few weeks before his birthday.
I need to get Mason into preschool! I can’t have him doing the same thing as Sol!
EEK! Someone help me out….
1 comment May 20, 2008
I want to hear “I love you” every day
I am one of those people that says “I love you” a dozen times a day. I say it when I say good-bye to the kids in the morning when they go to school. I say it when I pick them up. I say it when dear husband and I part ways, talk on the phone, as a way of saying thank you. You get the idea.
“I love you” means more to me than the obvious. To me it also means “Thank you” - “I appreciate you” - “I want you” - “You mean so much to me”. So I say it all the time, and our family says it back to each other. And none of us seem to get tired of saying it or hearing it. And I like that.
I grew up with a father who rarely told me he loved me. Coming from an Asian background, that’s just not our culture. We just don’t say it. But as I grew up I told myself I would tell my kids and husband one day that I loved them all the time.
It doesn’t seem to be overused either. It doesn’t lose its value. It always brings a smile to my face, makes me feel warm. Maybe I am just really sappy and like that kind of thing, but my kids ask for it too. They want to hear it in return. They smile too when I tell them.
Even my 3 year old says it out of the blue. I don’t have to say it first. We’ll be in the car driving home and I’ll see him in the rear view mirror, looking out the window. He’ll catch me smiling at him and he’ll say “Mama - I love you SOOOO much”. Seriously, he emphasizes the SOOOOO. And I love it.
Even when my husband and I argue, I’ll tell him I love him even when he makes me mad or drives me up the wall. It always shortens the tension between us.
When I tuck my kids into bed at night, they hug me real tight and tell me they love me so much it ‘fills them up’. That always makes me smile.
So in my world “I love you” may be said a dozen or more times a day and it always has some impact on me.
“I love you” is something I don’t get tired of saying or hearing. It is music to my ears.
Namaste.
Add comment May 9, 2008
Mother’s Day - do we feel pampered?
Yesterday dear husband asked me what I wanted for Mother’s day. I told him “You should decide how good of a mother I have been in the past year, and have your gift reflect that.” I was pleased with my witty response.
Ian, the husband, had the “oh sh*t” look on his face when I said that. He’s like, “Great Joy, why can’t you just tell me what you want?”. And I reply (with a beautiful smile!) “Well, what do I deserve?”
So - what do we deserve?
It doesn’t matter how many kids you have, how old they are, if they still live with you, if they are in your every day lives…none of that. What do you think we as moms deserve?
I have 4 kids. Our oldest is 10 and our youngest turns 3 this Saturday the 10th. I work full time plus I teach yoga on the side. So - I don’t even have that much time with my kids. In fact, I have been going back and forth in my mind about quitting my day job to be at home. We would save so much money just by not having to pay the child care for 4 children. I could teach at night and look at different ways to save money.
Does staying at home make me a better mom? To be honest with you, I don’t really think so.
But there needs to be balance. I work long days and am tired when I come home from teaching. My kids ache for me to lay down with them, read them a book, cuddle with them. Any time I have aside from work goes to them, so then the husband is left out.
Ian and I focus on our kids because we want them to grow up and be like us; responsible, hard-working with good values, and work ethic. But we want more than that. We want them to be better than us. Don’t most parents?
So reflecting back this past year, as I spend so much time away from my kids to work and create a future where it shifts to my love for yoga - I don’t feel I have been a very good Mom.
But when I am with my kids, I am so present with them. I get on the floor with them, roll around and laugh out loud. I dance with them, exercise with them, race in the park, and let myself be a kid with them. My time with them is so limited I know, but I hope that they see I have their undivided attention when I sit with them, crash on the couch with them, and nap next to them.
I want to say I need an afternoon to myself, kid free, chore free, and ‘I have to do this now’ free. Would that be a good pamper for me? I guess so. Would I want a make over or spa day to show me I am a good mother? Hmmmm. I don’t know. That only lasts for a day.
It’s just one day, right? One day to honor us as mothers. Which by the way our job is an endless, thankless one that doesn’t quite equate to a bouquet of flowers and brunch at a busy restaurant.
Part of me doesn’t want it because I am far from done. And I want to be thanked every day, acknowledged and honored often. One day out of the year to notice what I do? That sounds sad to me.
My kids are far from grown up. I am still growing into my motherhood shoes. In fact, they don’t ever stop from teaching us something new about ourselves.
What I really want is my family to notice me for what I do. Even if I do work long days and 2 jobs. I don’t spend time with my own husband to make sure the kids know they are number one.
Anyway, this post sounds like a complaint I know but really, it’s not.
I just wonder how other moms feel about mother’s day. I think it’s hard for me too, because my mom has been gone for 2 years now and I don’t think I thanked her enough for the love she gave me, even when I wasn’t around her.
I’m missing her so that’s hard for me, always.
Add comment May 8, 2008
Baby, you have changed me…
You can not put into words how having a child or children will change your life. Friends of mine who were pregnant for the first time would ask for words of wisdom from me. I have had 3 children of my own. Each experience having profoundly changed me in a way I would not have ever dreamed of.
This is what having a child does to you. It changes you as a person, it shapes you into a deeper, greater person. It molds you into someone you can’t possibly expect to know. It just gradually happens.
And it is the best road to ride.
My first child is now 10 years old. Her name is Michal Joy. She is similar to me in many ways. She is nurturing, loving, giving, and sensitive. She is hard on herself, self sufficient, and tough as nails. On one hand she still asks me to tuck her in at night. On the other hand she is telling me how to increase my speed in running by interval training, and “Why don’t we run together in the park, Mama? I bet I am faster than you now!”. Things like that blow me away…
See - each of my kids are a gift. I know that sounds like such a cliche‘ but it’s so true. My 6 year old Solomon is a gentle guy. He’s always thinking of how things make other people feel. He pays attention to the words he uses. He is one of those kids that says “I love you” hundreds of times a day and means it every single time. Solomon was 2 years old when his father and I divorced. He doesn’t even remember what it was like for me and his dad to be together. He is curious about our past relationship, wonders how people stop loving each other. He’s a wise little guy. We definitely picked the right name for him.
Mason, my baby is a spitfire. He keeps me on my toes. He is a lot of work. He’s got this huge personality, making faces all the time and always trying to be the entertainer. He dances to Sir Mix Alot and Chris Brown. He makes everybody laugh. He was my preemie baby who reminded me that God delivers miracles every day, small and big. Whether people realize it or not, they happen.
My babies are growing up but they will always be my babies. I can remember holding each of them for the first time; checking out their fingers and toes, kissing their perfect little lips. Nursing them half asleep. Crying over them because I was so exhausted. Crying over them because they hurt each other’s feelings, punched each other, or unintentionally said something hurtful to me. Crying over them because I see so much more in them than I ever saw in myself. They seem to only have the best of me. The worse things I can forgive, and I can barely see. The worse things are only in me. They are better than that, better than me.
Writing this brings tears to my eyes because my mother died 2 years ago. She lived the simplest life. She never required much. But she always used to tell me that all she really cared about was that her kids were doing well, that they were happy, that they turned out okay. I see that clearly now. I see that that is my ultimate success to be had some day.
My babies have changed me. They have taught me true love, unconditional and completely forgiving. They have taught me joy like no other person can give you. Incomparable to what your spouse can give you, that your best friend can give you.
A few times my children have asked (even my stepdaughter has asked me this, Cloey who is 8), if I still love them even when they’re bad, even when they have hurt me, even when they have made big mistakes. I have told them that, “I will love you no matter what. I know that, there’s no doubt about it. You WILL hurt me some day, you will say terrible things to me, you won’t make me the most important person in your life. But you’ll know I love you, always. Nothing will change that. And some day when you’re older you’ll come back to me and we’ll be friends again. And you’ll see nothing about me has ever changed. Loving you is one thing I can promise you, will never change.”
So that’s how I feel in my heart about having children, about being a mom, about infinite and unconditional love, about fulfillment.
I may never go down in history having done something extraordinary but I have a strong feeling my kids will turn out happy and extraordinary adults. And that to me makes my life complete.
Add comment March 27, 2008
Almost 3 years old - Mason
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My youngest, my baby turns 3 years old on May 10th. his birth date was July 12th, 2005. he was born 9 weeks too soon weighing in at 2 pounds, 4 ounces. i can barely remember what it was like that day he was born. i was so drugged up with morphine, and the pain was so great that all i cared for was hearing his little cry. once i heard that, i passed out.
three years later no one brings up the fact that mason was a preemie. he is so little as he is, he won’t be a tall person. i stand only 5 feet tall and ian, his dad is only about 5′8 or 5′9 at best. still, mason’s personality is big. he is outspoken, a troublemaker, an instigator, sensitive but bullying…and he is constantly growing into his own persona.
yesterday i picked him up from the sitter’s after work. he was as usual, munching on a cookie; he himself calls himself a cookie monster. he was happily munching away, little crumbs escaping from his perfectly small lips, smiling and saying, ‘cookie’. i put his shoes on, then his jacket and he hugged me intently. he was as always, genuinely happy to see me.
this is always a good thing after working a long nearly 10 hour day. mason brightens the rest of my day. so we are driving home and it takes about 20 minutes with all the traffic. a new song by mariah carey comes on titled “touch my body”. catchy little tune. mason hears the chorus a few times and i smile as i see him in the rear view mirror swaying back and forth, slowly closing his eyes and trying to sing, “touch my body…”
kids definitely know how to entertain.
it was a perfect evening with him. he didn’t complain about dinner, he didn’t whine. he didn’t throw any tantrums. after dinner he danced to sir mix a lot’s “square dance rap” (a favorite of my older children) and i got a few good laughs from that. i also got plenty of affection, kisses, squeezes on my legs, high fives. you name it, he said yes to everything.
9:00 p.m. rolled around and i told him i was tired. he said he wanted his ‘baba’ so we went downstairs and i gave him some milk to drink. he told me he wanted to bring it to bed and i simply stated, “mason, you’re not a baby anymore. we’re not going to bring it to bed. so go ahead and drink as much as you can and i’m going to put you to bed”. he just responded with an “okay mama”.
and there was the perfect evening. i tucked him in as he asked for two specific ‘babies’ (stuffed animals) to be placed beside him on his pillow. he kissed me goodnight. he didn’t get out of his bed once. before i closed his door, he said ” good night mama, i love you”.
my baby is turning 3 soon but he will always be my baby.
my mason.
1 comment March 12, 2008
