Archive for May, 2008
Maximum Pose
In class last night I must have told my students to hold maximum 20 different times. I can tell how hard they are working because when we get to second set, they go deeper than their first set. I can tell their focus and concentration is stronger. I was happy to see their progress last night.
A couple weeks ago I asked my husband to take some random pictures of me in a few poses. I didn’t get as warmed up as I would have liked, but I still pushed myself enough to get a couple decent shots. Here is one of them:
This is standing head to knee, the first in the standing balancing on one leg series. It takes a lot of practice and patience to get to maximum of this pose.
I look at this picture and notice right away that my chest needs to come closer to my thigh. On some days I look better than this, on other days this is my best. Every day is different so I just work to my maximum for that day. I also notice that my thigh is not quite parallel to the floor. I would then bring my left leg a little lower.
Last night the students in my class were serious about the work they did in class. I feel so good when they listen to my instruction, not necessarily for the technical instruction, but to deepen their mental focus as well. I tell them that “part of it is in your head, so get in your head that your mind has control over your body.” This is what I do, and it really works for me.
So each practice, remember that your maximum pose is what you strive for. You define what that is for you and get there because you use your laser focus. Use that, and see what progress comes out of your practice.
Namaste.
1 comment May 30, 2008
The Practice of Acceptance
Recently, my husband and I were not getting along so well. I always think it’s normal that spouses spat about stupid things. We never argue about the big stuff anyway. Thank goodness we have not yet had “big issues” (knock on wood).
I took a vow not to bring up stuff that was petty. I had to decide in my mind if a nasty comment was worth saying when all it would accomplish was NOTHING. So I’ve been doing this for a few weeks now and it’s actually been working. He actually noticed that I am not saying much anymore. I told him that some things were just not worth talking about. I chose to deal with it and let it go.
I find I feel better when I do my best to brush it off. Sometimes I feel I am working harder but most of the time I feel better for just not bringing it up.
The practice of acceptance takes time. It takes focus and commitment. For me - it means daily acceptance of myself, my spouse, my work and where I am in life right now. It’s being present in the here and now and appreciating something about where I am and who I am.
So accepting my husband as he is means loving him more for who he is and who he is not.
Accepting myself for who I am is honoring myself as someone who is whole and complete. My husband and I may fight about stupid things but I do know that he loves me anyway.
The practice of acceptance leaves me feeling so good about myself so I think I’ll be doing this and teaching this from now on.
Namaste.
Add comment May 29, 2008
What I don’t like about myself
Last night my husband actually read my blog (he doesn’t normally, I think he has visited it once). He was pretty upset about my post “Clueless Husband, Take 1″.
The interesting thing is that (and I am not surprised) is that he was most upset about what people thought about him, not about what had happened between us. He seemed more concerned about what he looked like in strangers’ eyes rather than how mother’s day impacted me.
I left for my yoga class last night stunned. Needless to say, I had a great workout. It was just what I needed to focus on what I needed and wanted that night. When I came home I wasn’t angry, or sad. I think I would have been in the past but I told him that since mother’s day, I just don’t feel it’s worth arguing about anymore.
So…to bring me to my choice of topic today: What I don’t like about myself.
My husband says I think I am perfect. I can understand why he would see that about me. I am non-stop. I am on the go all day and don’t rest until it’s time to sleep. I wake up at 5:00 and go to bed at 10:30. They are long days. I work my day job and teach yoga at night (about 3-4 times a week).
I get things done, and I don’t feel I am stuck up by saying I am efficient and responsible.
But I can say I am far from feeling I am perfect.
In fact, I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself. I wish I had a tougher exterior that seeped into my innermost emotions. Because on the outside I handle things just fine but on the inside I am constantly trying to figure out how to be better. I take responsibility for almost anything that goes wrong in our household. That’s a lot of stuff to cover.
Then there is the fact that the perfectionist in me has a hard time letting things play out as they may. I feel like I have to be the one to the rescue for everything. It’s like it has to be done right then and there or “I just know” it’s not going to get done. I hate that.
My household is OKAY. Like I will always wish my house is more organized, that we had less toys floating around every room in the house and that I didn’t stumble on anything when I am walking down the stairs in the morning. I wish everyone would put their dirty clothes in the hamper where they belong and not wait for me to tell them to. Simple things, little things, itty bitty things just bug me. I don’t get upset about them anymore, but they still bug me. And I always feel like I am the only one who sees these things.
See, I really have to learn to stop sweating the small stuff. I am definitely better, but it’s still there.
I am a big disciplinarian in my home. The kids are pretty well behaved. The kids are kids and for the most part I let them have plenty of fun so long as no one gets hurt and the house doesn’t break down. I used to be pretty harsh. I don’t spank my kids, I don’t yell at them, but I do exercise my authority and make sure they understand their boundaries.
For some reason I always make Cloey cry. Over the littlest things. I don’t know if I am being real harsh with her and I just don’t know it, but now I am afraid to remind her to do her homework, to clean up her room, to not yell at the other kids. Because I gently reprimand her on anything, tears come streaming down her face. I am much more stern with my own kids and they don’t react that way, so I am left to believe I am doing something wrong. That’s something I am working hard on right now. I want Cloey to feel loved, and if I am being too hard on her, then I have to do something about it. Being a stepmom is not easy, but being a parent to my own kids is a challenge in itself. Everything needs a balance and I still haven’t found it. I am still working on this.
There are many things I want to do in life and I am all caught up in the every day routine of ’stuff that needs to get done’. You know the whole “I am not running my life, my life runs me.”
I want a sense of control, but I am caught up in paying bills, getting to work on time, making sure I am getting my work done. Getting to home in time to make a decent dinner, making sure homework is done. There’s always stuff to do, and I just don’t choose to slow down. I know I can by just saying I will, but I don’t.
My husband has brought up to me in the past that I am insecure. That automatically puts me on the defense. I don’t think I am. At least not about my marriage and who I am for my family. I know I have got some improvements to make but who doesn’t? That’s going to be there forever. There is no one I know who requires no improvement.
I believe I am strong but maybe I say that just to sound good. Maybe what people think about me is totally different in what I see about myself. I would think my friends and family would say the truth about me. But maybe no one wants to hurt my feelings?
We’re different depending on who we are around, right? So who I am with my husband is different than who I am with my children. Who I am at work (desk job) is vastly different than who I am as a yogini and yoga instructor. Who I am as a friend is different than who I am to people I first meet. You get the picture.
So obviously there are so many things about myself I dislike. But I don’t hate anything about myself. I look at the quality of my family life and I MUST be doing something right. Am I the only one in our marriage who feels happy with the way things are? I didn’t know we were on thin ice.
So why does my husband say things about me that NO ONE else does? Am I that different? If I am, then it’s worth looking into.
Because if who I am is making my husband unhappy, then I am in trouble. All of this stems from mother’s day, what I think was missing and what my husband thinks is a dillusion in my mind. Pardon me for having some expectation for the role I play in our kids’ lives. I’m obviously still bruised from the situation. I can’t help but think Ian would rather have it different now. And so I am writing about it.
Anyone out there understand what I am getting at? Please - some advice.
Namaste.
2 comments May 21, 2008
Potty training the 3 year old
I’ve been working on potty training my 3 year old, who at 2 and a half showed interest in going to the potty.
So we bought the potty and one day he said he wanted to go. It was as easy as that. He would sit on the potty and go whenever he said he needed to.
All of a sudden, 6 months later, he has stopped. He just stopped. He’ll sit on the potty and nothing happens. I’m stumped. And I don’t want to get mad at him because I know it’s not worth it. I don’t want to make matters worse either.
Has this happened to anyone else? He’s a boy, so training boys can be harder anyways (my first son was not fully potty trained until he was nearly 5!).
I know Mason knows HOW to do it, but he’s completely stopped showing interest. Instead, he’ll sit on his potty, after 10-15 minutes of waiting, nothing happens. I explain to him he gets no treat for not going potty.
I put on his pull up, and then he goes potty in this pull up. Sigh.
I remember when I was trying to potty train Sol. He was 4 1/2 and his dad and I were starting to stress out about him being potty trained since he would start kindergarten soon. He learned number 1 and number 2 within a week. He was finally in boy briefs a few weeks before his birthday.
I need to get Mason into preschool! I can’t have him doing the same thing as Sol!
EEK! Someone help me out….
1 comment May 20, 2008
The Clueless Husband - Take 2
Yesterday my niece turned a year old. It was a beautiful day in Seattle, Washington so we brought all our 4 kids to the party, realizing they were the most rambunctious ones there.
It just so happened that my brother married a Korean lady, who comes from a really nice, very reserved family. When we arrived, my brother was dressing in traditional Korean formal wear that looked like some high end silk, not one unwanted crease on it. His wife, Janet, wore a beautiful gown and Malaina my niece was also wearing a gown that has been passed down , her mother wore the same dress when she turned a year old, and so did her 3 sisters.
My children, little dirtbags as they can be, had been playing outside wearing t-shirts and shorts, a bit sweaty from playing outside, and not even wearing shoes knowing that when we go to any Asian household, shoes come off anyway.
For some reason, husband was only wearing a white t-shirt and long swim trunks.
When we first entered the living room, we noticed the coffee table had piles of fruit, nicely decorated, along with some other things on the table like a pencil, colored pencils, some money, sweets, and a long piece of string. I think there were a couple other things but I can’t remember what they were.
In the Korean tradition, the child picks up one of the things on the table that may determine their future. One example being if she picked up the colored pencils she will be artistic. One of the ladies there explained to me that although it is a tradition, it is really just meant to be fun.
A lot of pictures were taken of Malaina, and bless her heart she didn’t mind being superstar for a good 30 minutes.
My kids were in the background, fighting over the balloons that were there for decoration. Needless to say, they pretty much destroyed the decorations and had the 3 year old whining because they were picking on him the most.
That’s my life.
I felt that people were looking at me (I could very well have just been VERY paranoid) - as if people were thinking - “man those kids were crazy”.
Husband was there, reading a book he picked up, and NOT HELPING me calm our kids down. I was starting to grit my teeth but did not want to get on his case because I was afraid he’d just get mad and not do a thing.
The pre-festivities of picture taking and cooking took a little time and all my kids were telling me how hungry they were. I told them they would have to be patient.
One of my husbands friends arrived and so he flocked to him and his new wife who is expecting, and they chatted away as the food was just served.
Well, I ended up making all the children’s plates, setting them up in the next room so that they can eat away from the adults and so I can watch them closely.
Husband stayed in the next room, happily eating away with his full plate of food, which by the way, I couldn’t even get to mine until 20 minutes after making sure the kids got everything they needed.
He stayed with his friend and wife, and came by our room once, where I chimed in, “Hey - you want to hang out with your family?” I could tell he didn’t want to. He was eager to get back with Kyle, but at the same time he noticed that there I was once again, me and the kids, Joy - taking care of everything by myself, once again.
So he sat with us for 5 minutes, felt he did his duty, and went back into the other room.
I didn’t feel it was worth arguing over. It just wasn’t. So I didn’t.
On our way home I told him I had to go to the grocery store. I did that by myself.
When I arrived from the grocery store, the kids wanted to eat again. Guess who fed them? Right!
So husband got to relax on the couch, while I helped with homework, got bath and showers ready, and everyone settled into bed.
He stayed downstairs watching whatever game he was watching, and the kids stayed with me, as we watched H2O and hung out in my bedroom.
Everyone then went to bed and I fell asleep at about 8:45 because I was so tired from the day.
I chose not to bring up the clueless factor he fell into that day because it wasn’t worth it.
This morning I woke up earlier than everyone else like I always do and made everyone’s lunches.
Husband got to watch the news. Must be nice.
Today is a different day. Tonight I teach yoga. I have already chosen not to be upset about the house being a mess when I return home at 10:00 tonight.
It’s another day. Let’s hope it good.
Namaste.
Add comment May 19, 2008
The Perfect Yoga Body
You know, the cover of Yoga Journal always has someone posing perfectly - face is perfectly serene.
Yogis and Yoginis strive for the perfect pose, but even more so for the perfect body.
So do you think your body has to be ‘built’ a certain way to achieve this kind of physique?
I used to think so. But after 15 years of practicing yoga, I would have to disagree.
I do think you can achieve the well toned body but I always tell my students that they have to practice at least 3 times a week, with the ideal being 5-6 days a week with one day of rest.
What else does it take?
Being fully present at each practice. Pushing yourself to your maximum at each pose.
Cleaning up your diet, drinking plenty of water.
Getting enough rest.
Practice, practice, practice.
I can’t say that enough.
So push yourself to your limit and see the results you imagine in your mind.
Namaste.
1 comment May 16, 2008
Not present at hot yoga class last night
I don’t know what was wrong with me last night, but I was forgetting second sets, and poses…several times. I just was not ‘on’.
My students - who are the best - pointed out to me what was missing, with smiles on their faces - and forgave me for being so spacey.
In the end it was still a good workout but I was obviously not present in the moment.
Tonight is another class and it will be better.
Just a lesson that there is always a new day and new opportunities.
Namaste.
1 comment May 14, 2008
Hot Yoga - on the pursuit to lose weight!
I had about 7 new students in my hot yoga class last night. We are now offering an 8:15 p.m. class on Mondays and Wednesdays. It was a good turnout and all new students were curious about dropping pounds fast - just in time for summer!
It was hot, hot, hot last night - a good 110 degrees. I encouraged the students to be right next to each other, with just enough room to spread the arms out to the side. This kept the heat in even more.
One of the new students just so happened to be my husband. I believe he showed up because one of his closest friends showed up - in hopes to lose some weight in time for summer.
A few other hopefuls showed up asking similar questions:
“Will this really help me lose weight?”
“How many calories will I burn?”
“Will the weight come off pretty fast?”
“Is this hard to do?”
Needless to say, the husband was struggling during the entire class. His t-shirt was soaked and it was clinging to his body. He refused to take it off because he too, wants to ‘drop a few founds’ before the shirt comes off.
I always encourage all my students to push themselves to their very limit. They will improve if they do so. They will burn more calories as well. Sure, you’ll lose weight just from sitting in the class, but why not strengthen and lean out your muscle while doing so?
So you might as well work as hard as you can and get the results you desire faster than just hanging out in a hot room.
I have noticed that I am a bit ‘harder’ on my classes because I want them to get the best workout they can. I can see the strain in their faces, the “please - tell me to change already - I want to get out of this pose” look they get when they need to hold for just 3 more seconds.
It’s not easy, no matter how many times you come in a week, or how long you have been practicing. You learn something about your body every single time.
I want people to get that. Just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean your body can’t reach maximum pose. When you get past the idea of what your maximum pose is - you learn your body wants even more. This is such a wonderful feeling.
Our bodies want us to push ourselves hard. We’re working muscles, and the muscles want to be strong.
And the weight loss?
Students were so excited to work hard last night that they were eager to return tonight and Wednesday night…and so on.
This is a great journey. I challenge you to find out what your peak is - and go even further than that.
Please share with me what you have learned about yourself and your body. I love to hear what students feel after practicing several months.
Namaste.
Add comment May 13, 2008
The Clueless Husband (take 1)
I know my husband rarely reads my site, and if he does, good for him. I decided to start a whole new category about how clueless my husband is. In fact, I could have dedicated a whole site to it.
So here’s the first story.
Yesterday was Mother’s day. Just last week my husband asked me what I wanted for mother’s day. I told him that he needs to decide how good I have been to our mother of 4 and give me a gift that reflects that. He smiled. I thought he had something in mind already. I didn’t think anything else of it for the rest of the week.
I woke up early yesterday morning for our 3 year old Mason, who wanted his ‘ba-ba’ or sippy cup. I decide I’ll make my own cup of coffee, like any other day of the year. It was 7:20 in the morning, and husband was sound asleep.
He then comes down the stairs ten minutes laters and starts up his own pot of coffee (I am decaf, he’s not).
He sits on the couch and starts watching the news. I look on the kitchen counter and see 2 cards propped up against the backsplash. I open up the one that says “Mommy” and read that it’s a card from Mason, and Ian had written something from himself as well. The other card was for his mother.
I thought, well, that’s sweet, but why didn’t he give me a card from just him as well? He has every other year we’ve been together. So I ask him, and he shrugs his shoulders.
I then tell husband I am going to church and then meeting my dad, sister, and brother for brunch. He didn’t really say anything. But I asked him, “Are you doing anything today?”
He said, “No, I don’t have anything going on today”.
I ask, “Really, are you sure?”
He resonds, “No, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere or doing anything.”
I then ask (surprised), “You’re kidding right? It’s mother’s day, and you have nothing planned for me?”
He says, “Well, aren’t you going out with your Dad and stuff for brunch?”
I am sitting, about ready to go through the roof because he actually didn’t put ONE THOUGHT into mother’s day for me. I am stunned, and hurt.
I asked him why he asked me what I wanted and then he didn’t do anything about it. His (stupid) answer was “You didn’t tell me what to get you.”
You can just guess where the conversation was going.
Not to mention he didn’t want to go to church with me either. So I went to church by myself.
Went to brunch without any of my children (Mason stayed home, Cloey was with grandma, and Michal and Sol were with their dad).
As you can guess, I was sad. I was hurt. I was mad that he was that clueless. Doesn’t he know I wake up earlier than anyone else in the house EVERY DAY to either make all the lunches for the kids, or start laundy, breakfast, or clean house or anything else.
Doesn’t he know I take out the garbage majority of the time. I am the only one who cleans the bathrooms, plans the meals out for the kids, does majority of the grocery shopping, and handles all the finances?
All I could think was, “What is wrong with this man?!”
I go to my mother’s graveyard and I weep. I am so sad that I can’t even think straight.
Husband tries calling me on my cell phone to talk about whatever he wants to talk about.
I know I am a good mother, but I guess he doesn’t think he needs to thank me for what I do for our family because it’s important that the kids do that, not him.
He also told me that all I do is “rip him” every day and make him feel like he doesn’t do anything right.
I have to ask him, “I do that to you every day? Are you sure? You’ve been that unhappy with me every single day for the nearly five years we have been together?”
I think of all the days it’s been so good, and so wonderful and he can only focus on the days it’s been bad.
Am I that bad, really?
Maybe I am.
I talk a lot about relationships in this blog of mine because I am driven by the quality and satisfaction of the relationships around me. I invest my time and heart into the people I love.
But it is apparent I have failed with my own husband.
He wrote in the card from Mason that he doesn’t know what he would do without me, but then he tells me in my face that every other husband has it better than him.
I told him this morning that he needs to “Say what you mean, and mean what you say”. “Don’t say things for the sake of impact. Say it because it’s what you feel in your heart”.
So if he thinks I am that bad, then what the hell is he doing with me anyway? I asked him that and his answer was, “I guess I have just learned the DEAL with it”.
He has to “deal” with me.
Someone has got to help me with this one. Because I am hurt, and angry, and insulted.
8 comments May 12, 2008
I want to hear “I love you” every day
I am one of those people that says “I love you” a dozen times a day. I say it when I say good-bye to the kids in the morning when they go to school. I say it when I pick them up. I say it when dear husband and I part ways, talk on the phone, as a way of saying thank you. You get the idea.
“I love you” means more to me than the obvious. To me it also means “Thank you” - “I appreciate you” - “I want you” - “You mean so much to me”. So I say it all the time, and our family says it back to each other. And none of us seem to get tired of saying it or hearing it. And I like that.
I grew up with a father who rarely told me he loved me. Coming from an Asian background, that’s just not our culture. We just don’t say it. But as I grew up I told myself I would tell my kids and husband one day that I loved them all the time.
It doesn’t seem to be overused either. It doesn’t lose its value. It always brings a smile to my face, makes me feel warm. Maybe I am just really sappy and like that kind of thing, but my kids ask for it too. They want to hear it in return. They smile too when I tell them.
Even my 3 year old says it out of the blue. I don’t have to say it first. We’ll be in the car driving home and I’ll see him in the rear view mirror, looking out the window. He’ll catch me smiling at him and he’ll say “Mama - I love you SOOOO much”. Seriously, he emphasizes the SOOOOO. And I love it.
Even when my husband and I argue, I’ll tell him I love him even when he makes me mad or drives me up the wall. It always shortens the tension between us.
When I tuck my kids into bed at night, they hug me real tight and tell me they love me so much it ‘fills them up’. That always makes me smile.
So in my world “I love you” may be said a dozen or more times a day and it always has some impact on me.
“I love you” is something I don’t get tired of saying or hearing. It is music to my ears.
Namaste.
Add comment May 9, 2008
